The challenge of handling and preventing netbullying

The challenge of handling and preventing netbullying.
It's hard enough parenting in real space,
how do we do it in cyberspace?

 When netbullying is involved, the most important thing we need to think about is "Is my child at physical risk?" If the answer is "yes!" or even "maybe" we need ot get professional help. That's when you call the police. If you aren't sure whether they are at risk, you can review the checklist I have provided at When To Get Help.

 A quick tip is to evaluate what and how much personal contact information is available online. You can do this by "googling" your kids on a regular basis, checking not only their name, but their offline addresses, e-mail addresses and screen names, telephone numbers and searching for images. You can learn more about this at InternetSuperHeroes.org. If you find something you want taken down, if your child is under the age of thirteen it may be easier than you think. If the information is posted at a commercial website, children's Internet privacy laws may apply. If not, the website operator may voluntarily take it down. If they won't contact WiredSafety.org and see if we can help.

 Once you have gotten over the hurdle of real physical risk issues, you should stop and think about how bullying felt when you were young. Give your child a hug and listen hard to what they are telling you. You may want to provide a guidance counselor, spiritual advisor or mental health professional to help them get through the pain of netbullying. But no matter who you add to the team, you have to be your child's first line of defense and safest place. Don't react in anger. Don't make threats. And PLEASE! don't blame your child. If you do, you have absolutely guaranteed that they will never turn to you again when they need help.

Before you begin the campaign of "getting to the bottom" of the netbullying, see if that's what your child wants. They may only want you to support them. They may rightfully think that the bullying will only increase if you storm into the situation.

While dangerous and seriously humiliating situations require you to take action, many others don't. When a netbully calls your child names, or sends them e-mails or instant messages containing lewd or insulting language, sometimes the easiest thing to do is block them. Most of the time, this ends the bullying campaign. It isn't as much fun trying to intimidate someone if they are ignoring you.

If the bullying continues under a different screen name, or using other methods, you have to take action. But start small and work your way up, rather than starting with tanks and bazookas flaring.

Contact the school and see if there is more to this. Make sure you have a monitoring software program installed to help you gather the evidence you need and record the bullying. (I like Spectorsoft enough I became their spokesperson. You can find them at Software4Parents or at Spectorsoft.com. They are the only product that can record all instant messaging programs, no matter which one the bully is using.)

Then report the bully to their ISP. You can learn how to do that at InternetSuperHeroes.org. If the school gets involved (without having to take disciplinary action), the parents are called or the ISP shuts down their account, this usually ends for good. But not always.

That's when the netbullying becomes harassment and may be best handled by police. If they don't know how to handle a netbullying or cyberharassment case, you can refer them to CyberLawEnforcement.org, a division of WiredSafety.org.

You can learn more about reporting a cyberabuse or cybercrime at Report it!

 I will leave you with one point. This site and all our sites and all my books and media appearances focus on the dangers and risks online. That's what you have to do if you want people to protect themselves. You can't teach your child to look both ways before crossing the street without teaching them about bad drivers, speeding drivers and abusive drivers.

 But don't get blinded by all the risks we talk about. The only risk I don't have a solution for is your children being denied access to the Internet. I can guarantee you 100% that they will be hurt if denied access. The other risks can be serious, but all have preventive measures and solutions. And the serious risks are very infrequent.

 You can learn more about Internet and cell phone safety at InternetSuperHeroes.org, WiredSafety.org and WiredKids.org. It's not about technology, it's about common sense and parenting.