Dealing with a Bully
Have you ever had anyone come up to you and try to pick a fight? What did you do? How did you feel? Scared? Mad? Confused? Try to think back and review what happened and what you did.
We teach our students self-defense skills in Karate to help them feel confident in fighting. But we don’t want them to fight. We teach them how to defend themselves so that they feel the confidence not to fight.
When we teach you how to defend yourself, we are actually teaching you how to stop a fight. The reason you are able to stop the fight is because you are not afraid, or at least not as afraid of the person. When you are confident that you can defend yourself, you don’t have to fight. You are able to see different ways of avoiding the situation. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, because you are strong in your abilities.
There are different ways in which to deal with a bully and to avoid or defuse a potentially violent situation. Here is list of twelve ways you can solve a conflict nonviolently. Think of other ways you can avoid conflicts.
1. Make friends with the person: Treat them as a friend or at least not as an enemy.
2. Use humor: Try to turn a scary situation into a funny one. Be careful to not embarrass the person.
3. Trickery: Pretend you are sick. Tell them someone is coming soon to pick you up.
4. Walk away: Don’t get into it. Walk away from the person.
5. Agree: Agree with the person. See what happens. Don’t get mad, let it go.
6. Refuse to fight: One way to stop a fight is to refuse to fight the person.
7. Stand up to the bully: Some times if you stand up to a bully, they will back down. If you choose this option be prepared to fight.
8. Scream/yell: Yell for help from friends, adults or teachers. Yell at the person. It will scare or startle them.
9. Ignore the bully: Just act as if you didn’t hear them. Ignore the person. You can also keep walking and just shake your head as if you can’t believe they are doing it.
10. Use authority: Call a teacher, police officer or an adult you trust to help you.
11. Reason with the bully: If you are a good talker, perhaps you can talk yourself out of the fight. Ask him why he’s picking on you. What’s he trying to prove. If you don’t argue or get angry and if you act friendly, you might be able to convince him not to fight.
12. Take a Karate stance: By taking a strong fighting stance, a bully will see that you are prepared to protect yourself if attacked. He may decide it’s not worth it and pick on someone else. Still, be prepared to fight.
When using these steps, it is important to remember:
1. Use an alternative and get away from the person as soon as possible.
2. Don’t stand there and argue with the bully who is threatening you.
3. Distract the person and get away.
4. Look for a nearby person or house you can go to for help.
These twelve steps may help you to avoid a fight when someone picks on you. Sit down with your parents and talk about other ways to avoid a fight. Be aware of your surroundings. You may see the bully before he sees you and avoid the problem before it begins.
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“ If in my younger days if I had been in a fighting situation, I would have attacked first to take my opponent by surprise. Now I have learned, while remaining calm, to look for a solution that would leave everyone uninjured…, yet I am still convinced that my power and skill are of such a level that I would not lose to any bully.”
Shigero Egami
Chief instructor, Shoto-kan Karate